Vulnerability.
When you think about important leadership qualities, vulnerability probably isn't the first thing to come to mind.
Ok….Maybe after watching your local news these days and hearing yet another politician say "I'm Sorry", it may lose some of it's bang. However, we can't let one bad apple spoil it for the rest of us, who may occasionally need to say we're sorry to a customer, client or boss.
There are certain fears that will keep us from coming clean about our mistakes. There is the fear of losing a job, fear of being embarrassed and the fear of feeling inferior. And though we all strive every day to keep out company's brand and our own brand "unblemished", we are human, and mistakes will happen occasionally. Being perfect is not as important as owning up to and taking responsibility when things do not go perfectly.
The ability to show vulnerability – at the right times- can help others get a sense of your true character.
Customers and clients and business peers all know that there's nothing worse than when someone skirts around an issue that they do not own – good or bad. Many of us have sat through meetings and conference calls where you see it happen all the time – people who do not admit when there are problems or try to "hide" from any conversations of the such. Once people come to see this side of you, it's hard to erase the impression.
By admitting our vulnerabilities, we become more of a partner, sharing the risks. People will push harder for leaders who show vulnerability. Your team will them learn to do the same for their clients, as well.
Lack of remorse may be good (temporarily) for a company's bottom line, but it isn't good for society. An economy's strength (globally) depends on people's willingness to trust businesses, and businesses' ability to trust one another. When problems pop up in business, a sincere apology is essential to restoring that trust. Vulnerability also shows others that we are human.
It is important to apologize the right way, especially in business issues. A business apology is somewhat different from a personal apology, but some of the same rules apply. No matter what the mistake, a proper apology can help to save your dignity and possibly your job.
State what you are apologizing for in a very direct and concise manner, and this includes stating clearly what it is that your apology is referring to. Begin with the reason for your apology, and then go on to the actual apology.
Explain why the mistake happened – giving honest and sincere reasons – and own up to it. Don't try to pawn it off on someone else. Dictate your plan to make up for the mistake giving clear cut directions as to what needs to be done to not only correct the problem, but also to prevent it from happening in the future.
Make sure that you are conveying emotions when you apologize in business, making sure that the apology is heartfelt. Apologies will only work if they are sincere and honestly in nature. To read more about building strong sales relationships.
Showing vulnerability should not always be interpreted as a sign of weakness.
Be true to yourself, be sincere and be honest in your sales career – and that reputation will follow you throughout your career successes.
vulnerability.
Marco Giunta
Latest posts by Marco Giunta (see all)
- Is Your Company Using Social Media Effectively? - January 28, 2013
- Approaching the Sales Prospect - December 19, 2012
- How To Listen EFFECTIVELY During Negotiations - December 18, 2012
Apologizing shows great integrity and sensitivity. I realize I have offended another and regret my actions. I am sensitive to the other party's feelings.
To not apologize when one had wronged another is arrogant. Whether deliberate or unintentional, when a wrong doing has occurred, taking immediate ownership for one's insensitive behavior and offering the olive branch allows for a possible reconciliation and for each party to move beyond the incident.
Check out a great website, http://www.FromGodWithLove.net that speaks on forgiving.
If anyone is interested in a seminar on apologizing and forgiveness, visit
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-spiritual.html .
Janet Pfeiffer, The Secret Side of Anger
Posted by Janet Pfeiffer
Apologies are not as satisfying as an expression of deep understanding of the others persons pain. An apology before an expression of understanding doesn't have much oomph. It's also hard to for people to give forgiveness if they don't feel you understand their pain. Once understanding has been achieved an apology is much more powerful. That combined with a commitment to change can bring true forgiveness.
Posted by Scott Loring
Thanks for your thoughts Janet. I agree that "forgiveness" can bring great comfort to the soul even when the other person has not acknowledged their behavior, however I think most people find that very difficult to embrace with deep authenticity.
I have heard people say, "Are you ever going to forgive me? I've apologized over and over. When are you going to let this go?" In this type of situation the number of past apologies or the passing of time is not an effective path to forgiveness. It is only when the person asking for forgiveness can truly demonstrate that they understand both the "how" and "why" of the pain caused to the other person.
Most people find it difficult to forgive something, when they believe that their pain is not fully seen or understood. While it is possible to achieve some relief by understanding our own pain without the others acknowledgement the degree of difficulty is far greater.
Posted by Scott Loring
In most cases politicians only apologise to try and limit the damage to their career from something they have tried to hide in their public or private life. It is rarely heartfelt as they are sorry the got caught rather than they did it in the first place.
Hopefully, in business, we are different and can admit (and learn from) mistakes, apologise when necessary and mean it. I don't believe it is vulnerability, this is honesty. If you are able to do this when you are in the wrong it is easier to learn and gives credence to the times when you don't apologise because you believe what you did was right. This is integrity.
A obsequious approach is just as bad as a never apologise one.
Posted by Jim Massey
There are times someone feel wronged but it was there own fault. What do you recommend in such a situation?
Tommy
2 ways around this forgive and forget… you never know the other persons motives, reasons or Pressures… you can’t assume the worst
or
Confront and let them know how and why you feel this way
both ok in certain situations. alway a pleasure talking to you Tommy
In my opinion, the bigger question is on leadership style; whether or not you want to be an authentic leader. If you strive to be authentic and to connect with your staff on multiple levels (e.g. emotional intelligence), then that type of leadership would need to apologize when it is appropriate to. Some leaders may try to use vulnerability as a tool to build an emotional connection, however, if it’s inconsistent with their leadership style (e.g. “the bully”), it would likely backfire having the opposite effect.
Posted by Kevin Field
Thomas Foley was quoted as saying, 'I'm not powerful. The position I hold is powerful'. Along the lines of what Kevin states here I believe it is an imperative for successful leadership to exhibit vulnerability while still clearly articulating why you are taking the group / company in the direction you are.
I run a flat team with decision rights clearly understood beforehand. Inconvenient information coming from my team mates is evaluated openly and above the table – to recertify or force adjustment to that direction.
Ted
Posted by Ted Laskaris
Absolutely! But only when I mean it. I explain why I am apologizing and either 1) what I have learned from the situation, or 2) what I/my team will do to prevent the underlying problem in the future.
Posted by Jeffrey Modell
Laura Cruz • Absolutely. In order to be credible one doesn't have to be right all the time, but one does need to be accountable and manage expectations.
LinkedIn Groups
Group: CIO BREAKFAST CLUB
Discussion: Showing Vulnerability: Do You Ever Say Your Sorry?
Yep! No ivory tower leadership here. I build teams and value each members contributions. As a leader, my value lies in my experience and insight as much as my position; therefore, I am no less immune to mistakes than anyone and I feel it is critical for a leader to be approachable and “normal”.
Posted by Robert Osborn
[...] Demonstrate your own vulnerability. People like to see that you are human – that you are not perfect, and that you can show a sensitivity to others. For many of us, this may be harder than it sounds. But keep this final point in mind: [...]